Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
