Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize