maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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