Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
