I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
operation harelip BJ is a go
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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