Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
