Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
