And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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