OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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