So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
