every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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