Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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