My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My hand turned me down
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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