Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
