seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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