He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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