At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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