You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
