bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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