babies were throwing up all over the place
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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