clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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