Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
