No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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