i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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