They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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