Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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