New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize