I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
