I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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