well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
