So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
