I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
