she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
