White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
