Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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