He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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