My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
