i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
where does the pee come out of this thing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
