you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
