if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
