You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
