I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
