I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
