dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
