Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize