She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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