I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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