There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
