Tell her she can't have a vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
