Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
