drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
