Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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