it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
