I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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