you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
