We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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