Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
