There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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