i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
