What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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