my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
