**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
