It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
