I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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