Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
