Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
