You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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