Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
