So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was born a porn star she said
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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