You're my little dorito
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
