I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
