1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize