the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
