I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
