....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
