i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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