he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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