Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
