these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
