What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
