Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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