Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
