so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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